Between 32% and 50% of people regret their divorce - 5 Tips to make sure you leave your relationship with no regrets
In 2014 the Daily Mail surveyed 2000 divorced men and women and a shocking 50% of them said they regretted their decision to divorce. More recent studies confirm that the number is between 32% and 50% and that the people interviewed wished they'd worked harder at their marriage and stayed married.
Coronavirus has been the breaking point for many relationships. If there were issues before lockdown, these have only been exacerbated by being together 24/7. Many couples have decided that it’s time to end their relationship and move on.
Ending a long-term relationship is a traumatic and stressful event in anyone’s life, second only to the death of a loved one. There are many repercussions that extend wider than just the couple themselves – children, grandparents and friends are all impacted by it.
If you are thinking about ending your relationship, my advice would be this - make sure that you are completely confident in your decision and have no doubts before you put the wheels in motion.
Here are 5 ways to help you make sure you’re leaving with no regrets:
Are you still in love with your partner? Think about whether you’re ‘in love’ with them or just ‘love them’. It’s only natural for love to change over time after the initial honeymoon period, but is there still a romantic love there? Do you still want a romantic relationship with your partner, or are you starting to take an interest in other people?
Make a list of everything that’s not working for you in the relationship. Try and take some of the emotion out of your thinking so that you can look at the situation more clearly. It can be helpful to give yourself some space whilst you do this. Is this just a bad patch you’re going through? Or is it something more serious that’s been going on for a while now? Once you’ve written your list ask yourself these questions:
- Are they significant issues?
- Has it been an issue for a long time or is it a new issue?
- Can they be fixed?
- Do you want to fix them?
Think about your own behaviours. Are there any of your own behaviours that you could change that would evoke different responses in your partner? You can’t change your partner, but you can change your behaviours. Is there something you do that really irritates them and causes an argument, that actually you could change?
Talk through the issues with your partner. Tell them how you’re feeling. Are they feeling the same? What issues have they got? Do they still want the relationship to work? Really listen to what your partner has to say, instead of interrupting and thinking about what your response will be. Listen properly and give them your full attention. Can you put together a list of things that you can both agree to work on to try and make the relationship work? Give it 3 months of working at the relationship to see if things improve before you make any final decision.
Talk to a divorce coach. A coach can help you look at the situation objectively and work through the issues with you. Even if your partner isn’t prepared to make changes, there are still things you can do yourself to make sure you’ve tried absolutely everything before you decide to leave.
It can also be useful to imagine life without your partner – what emotions does that bring up for you? If you decide to stay, it must be because you want the relationship to work rather than being scared of being on your own. There are a lot of things you can do to get over that fear.
Unfortunately, you may still love your partner but sometimes that isn’t enough. The relationship just doesn’t work and it’s making you both unhappy.
Research also now that shows staying together for the kids isn’t always the best thing to do. They are much better at picking up on tensions than we realise and you’re their role models for relationships. It can be healthier for them to see their parents apart, but happy, communicating and co-operating with each other, rather than arguing, not speaking and resentful of each other.
Before you make any life changing decisions, make sure you really have tried everything to make your relationship work so that you know you're leaving with no regrets.