Should aggressive solicitors work on family matters?
There are definitely times when solicitors need to be aggressive, so we are not condemning all solicitors for taking this stance, but taking an aggressive stance, when an amicable divorce is being sought, will only antagonise both sides.
Making unachievable requests as part of a divorce settlement only prolongs the divorce settlement causing distress for both parties. The requesting party does not receive the entitlement promised by the aggressive solicitor as it so unreasonable, whilst the other party wastes time and money negotiating to a reasonable point.
Here is an example case:
Our divorce was never going to be an amicable one. While my 5-year-old daughter, was a little poppet, my 18-year-old son, was proving to be a difficult teenager. He is a 6-foot 4in rugby player with an attitude. His mobile phone bill, which I was paying, was getting out of line, increasing month on month. When I tried to get him to cut back on its usage, he went into a rage, screaming in my face. He pushed me, and I pushed him back, maybe a bit harder than I should, but a lot less than the kind of punishment he would receive and dish-out on the rugby field.
The next I heard, I was being threatened with arrest for threatening behaviour after my wife went to a solicitor rather than speaking to me. This is what instigated the divorce.
With my wife, now encouraged by a very aggressive solicitor, who I think was a real man-hater, she was making more and more unreasonable demands.
My wife, who was always used to getting her way financially, kept making very unreasonable demands as part of the financial order, as well as some outrageous reasons for divorce. There was one claim about my drunken behaviour when I hardly drank at all.
The initial consent order detailed that I should pretty much handover 100% of our assets. This even included paying off the debts of her ex-husband.
I am sure her solicitor used delaying tactics to wear me down. Responses were very slow, and unreasonable demands kept coming.
It appears some solicitors in the family law practices have no empathy or sympathy. They write such cold and threatening letters to the opposition. I was lucky not to have someone on my side who rose to the bait and retaliated. Where was that going to get either of us? Except for a very large legal bill each.
This offer of settlement was presented to me with no negotiation
Here is an excerpt from a letter -
‘Taking into account the above, your wife's position about the settlement of the matter is as follows:’
1. Your wife will remain in the former matrimonial home with the children. The property will not be sold until the first to occur of the following:
a) Your daughter reaching the age of eighteen years or finishing full-time secondary education, whichever is the later;
b) your Wife's voluntary vacation or sale of the property;
c) your wife's remarriage;
d) A further order of the court.
We had shared custody of our daughter, how was this fair?
My Wife’s solicitor had no idea of the pain and anguish she caused by sending this letter. What she failed to tell my wife is, this may be acceptable if I accepted it. What she failed to tell her was this was a wish list for my wife, not a given.
At a very low point in my life, I stumbled across Divorce Negotiator. Their approach was an inspiration and helped me to believe there would be a way through this mess I was in.
I can be quite abrupt and tend to call a spade a spade. This can be useful at times, but at other times can get me into hot water. Divorce Negotiator took over the communication for me they had a great knack putting my, rather abrupt words into a form that was more persuasive and less aggressive.
Divorce Negotiator helped me not only with the practical side of the divorce but also with the emotional side too. I often didn't know where to turn, but I soon learned that Divorce Negotiator was there to assist. Divorce Negotiator also provides useful and productive advice throughout the case. DN fended off my wife's unreasonable solicitor.
My wife and I agreed on a 50-50 split over the house and put it on the market for sale. I feel we completed the consent order fairly. If my wife's solicitor had her way, I would have been left penniless. Her demands in the divorce were outrageously unreasonable.
Now, with the consent order complete, we are just waiting for the decree absolute. The relationship with my son hasn't improved, but perhaps with time, his attitude will change. My daughter is the light of my life, and we continually spend fantastic hours together.