Young mum's success with Covid-19 social isolation beyond panic and depression, thanks to 'sourcing her inner woman' with The Man Whisperer
I’m very proud of being a stay at home mum to Oliver (6) and Aria (4). My husband Ian is a builder and our only source of income. I write this in a lunch break from my third week of home schooling while Ian is busying himself in the loft - Ian must be busy! Covid-19 isolation has thrown our lives into something we could never have imagined.
When the children are in school, I’m a writer. Just when it was time to publicise my first children’s book ‘Magic Pie’ we all hit lockdown.
A few months back this would have spiralled me into over-thinking, OCD cleaning, over exercising and under eating, but since discovering my 'inner woman' and integrating her into my daily life there is calmness in my head and in my household. The part of me that leapt into over gripping at any form of control is safe now and I am no longer in survival mode. I have the tools to truly be with my family and make this time magical as the world changes around us.
Severe anxiety around self-worth and daily structure kicked in with depression a few months ago, when my life was about to drastically change. My daughter would be going to pre-school and my first book ‘Magic Pie’ was published. I avoided the publicity by concentrating on my next book. I was scared. I’d only ever been a young mum, so I didn’t know who I was and what my purpose would be without Aria.
I sent a rambling email to Kenny Mammarella-D'Cruz “The Man Whisperer” (a man I met on Twitter) telling him how I felt. I was worried that my mental health would get in the way of my career, that my young family would grow up and that I wouldn’t feel needed any more. I had never actually met this mysterious man before, though I wrote a blog for him about body dysmorphia in men.
I booked Kenny for a session. We did Voice Dialogue, a talking therapy where Kenny dialogued with the different ‘parts’ of me, to rebalance what’s going on on the inside. It reminded me of the children’s movie ‘Inside Out’!
Kenny invited me to pick a chair in the turret room of his small canal-side castle in London's trendy Camden Town . “I'm just going to clean the air" he said, as he sprayed eucalyptus essential oil around the room and doorway. Then, from a safe in the wall, he pulled out a bell to gently ring around the room to clear away the energy from his previous client. He proceeded to take off his shoes and sit opposite me in lotus. I include this because anyone that has the smallest amount of contact with Kenny will not be surprised by this otherwise bizarre behaviour.
We sat in silence for two minutes, to get clear with my desired outcomes and leave other busyness at the door. He reflected that this all-consuming feeling, that I was so used to having in my life, was simply a part of me that I defined myself by. I cried as I felt that he heard and understood me.
“I am going to ask you to move into a different chair, so I can dialogue with a different part of you. You don't need to think or know anything and you can't possibly get this wrong.” He assured me. “Please let me speak with your inner protector...” I moved to a different chair and before I knew what was happening I was referring to myself in the third person, discussing how Robyn's mind kept me busy because 'my inner protector' is scared to feel. It was the whole reason I was there. He assured her that she’d done a good job taking care of Robyn, all her family, friends, everyone else - and it was time to know and work with other parts of Robyn. It was time for 'my protector' to allow Robyn to truly live. I acknowledged my protector for my survival as Kenny and she appreciated that overthinking was a childhood coping mechanism. I shed tears of recognition, sadness and joy as this shifted.
Kenny then dialogued with 'my inner able woman'. A part who I had never properly met before. She was to take my life beyond the old trauma, survival personality and belief systems that were restricting my life. We moved her from a backstage character to front and centre, enabling me to really be me, probably for the first time in my life. As I moved and he engaged with that part of me something amazing happened. I sat differently, spoke differently and felt truly liberated!
We then dialogued with my 'inner nurturer'. The part of me that pretended to be okay, whilst making sure that everyone else was okay. Her job was now ensure that my 'inner child' felt safe, so my protector could calm down and not recreate the danger she knew how to survive. My inner self-nurturer now works alongside the woman in me to allow my inner child to shine. She sits differently again and I can access her, as well as the other parts, through a deep, conscious breath out of my panicked mind and into my heart.
I can sit here now and watch, as my beautiful four year-old daughter learns to write numbers for the first time feeling proud that I taught her. In this time of uncertainty and isolation, I feel calm to just be with my sensitive son, free and safe with him as he wonders at the world around him. My husband and I communicate with depth and understanding and we can love each other more than ever. I am safe, I am free and I am truly blessed with a happy, healthy family and a life full of love and safety.
I was in no way cured of my depression, but I was finally able to see it clearly, to know that what I felt was valid and not my fault. We quickly uncovered the root of my problems and I realised how I operated in the world. I made peace with my past and felt empowered in the present to engage with my future with a calm mind, an open heart and my feet firmly on the ground. I slept very well that night, and for many nights after.
Kenny Mammarella-D'Cruz might be known as "The Man Whisperer" but his magic certainly worked on me and he works with many women, though no longer from his canal-side castle, but online. He holds daily online men's groups, enabling men to take the edge off the fears and uncertainty that the coronavirus brings.
Robyn's blog for Kenny / Huffington Post https://www.kennydcruz.com/who-are-you-without-your-body/
Hollywoods 'Inside Out' (2015) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inside_Out_(2015_film) similar to Kenny's Voice Dialogue, developed by Drs Stone https://voicedialogueinternational.com/index.htm
Kenny's websites www.themanwhisperer.co.uk www.mensgroups.co.uk